before 12 weeks

Beautiful humans, a huge thank you for all the kindness, love and support we have received since announcing our baby news. We have read all your comments on my instagram page, although I haven’t got back to everyone, I do very much appreciate it. Your excitement is infectious and it has absolutely made our day. Thank you xxx

As much as it is exciting and we are beyond grateful for our little miracle, who will be so deeply loved. An important conversation I feel needs to be had, a conversation about pregnancy, mental health, social media and finding support.

I have to admit, the first trimester was incredibly difficult for me, mentally & physically. I wasn’t prepared for how taxing pregnancy would be on my mental health. Everyone tells you not to share your news until the “safe zone” after 12 weeks - this is due to the risk of miscarriage dropping significantly after 12 weeks - Everyone is different, there’s no one size fits all. If you feel more comfortable to wait, then please do. However, I told all my close girlfriends, gayfriends and family pretty much as soon as I tested positive on an at-home test. I was too excited to keep it a secret. I wanted to share the news with the people I love the most, and I am so glad I did, because once the symptoms kicked in (around 6 weeks) my mental health quickly deteriorated.

Fortunately, I have the most incredible partner Jordie. Who really stepped up and took amazing care of me, our fur babies and our home. He was washing, cleaning, cooking while I was bed ridden for two months. I became extremely unwell, throwing up constantly, with extreme exhaustion. We had to pull the pin on our podcast trip after only recording three episodes, instead of six, which cost us money, money that we really needed. I felt guilty. I felt as though I was letting our family down. “Baby, it doesn’t matter. Work will sort itself out, the most important thing right now, is focusing on your health.” Jord would reassure me.

I feel so far from the person I was. Before pregnancy I was fit, healthy, full of energy, keen for adventures, financially stable and always giggling my head off. Now, all I can stomach is Vegemite toast. I sleep literally the entire day, I only get up to wee (frequently) and throw up. I’m now at 15 weeks, while my nausea is slightly easing, I’m still not keeping things down. I have a tiny bit more energy than the first three months, but apparently, I’ll be much more energized soon. Fingers Crossed!

I know I am in a privileged position; I cannot tell you how many times I have thought about all the women and families that aren’t in the position where they can stay at home when they feel the same way. And for the single mama’s doing it alone, I have nothing but absolute admiration and respect for you.

This is not a pity piece. This is not written with the intention of wanting sympathy or attention. I wrote this because while I was going through the worst of it, I felt so alone. Social media glamourizes pregnancy. No-one talks about the ugly truth... for some people the first trimester is mentally and physically challenging.

Creating life is a miracle and certainly not something I take for granted. I have many beautiful girlfriends who have not had an easy ride with fertility - which is something I have had to handle delicately and privately with those special people with lots of cuddles and care. I know how blessed I am to have a healthy baby. I do also know, I have a responsibility being in the public eye and being a mental health advocate, to be transparent with challenges I face, in hope to help others who may feel the same way.

Be excited, share your cute baby bump photos. Do whatever makes your soul feel full, it’s a special time and you are all doing an AMAZING job!!!! Be proud of yourselves. Growing a human is hard work, so do whatever you need to do to get through it. If that means staying on the couch all day, eating potato chips, do it... guilt free! But let’s keep the conversation going… if it isn’t all perfect, if you’re struggling with your mental health during this time, reach out to loved ones or talk to a professional.

You. Are. Not. Alone.

Thank you to my incredible friends and family for supporting me. For cooking me soups, for sending me uber eats, for the “how’s your head and how’s your heart?” check ins, for the memes to make me laugh, for your friendship and love. I’m a very lucky woman.

An extra special shout out, to my sister Kristine who always holds space for me when I feel like I’m about to have a mental breakdown, or when I ask a million questions… is this normal? should I be feeling like this? HELP!

And to my partner Jordie, we appreciate everything you do for our family. Thank you for always making me feel beautiful even though I’ve had my head in the toilet all day and feel like a hippopotamus.

Love and light, Sam xxxx

For help and support, check out this brilliant website
PANDA is dedicated to supporting the mental health and wellbeing of expecting, new and growing families. Through a range of information, services and programs we support parents and families during pregnancy the first 12 months of a new baby.

https://panda.org.au