Marriage
Question -
Hello, how do I know it's time to leave a marriage? I am so sad it's hard to carry on with day to day things. I put on a brave face at work but lately it takes so much out of me that I can't even do that. I have supported my husband through years of anxiety and depression. I am completely drained and running on empty. I don't know if my feelings are real or due to perimenopause. I don't know where to start to try and get some clarity so I can make the right decision.
Answer -
Hello there,
It sounds like you are going through such a difficult and confusing time when thinking about what to do about your marriage. The process of knowing when to leave is a long process and can often be slow and non-linear depending on your unique circumstances.
There can be many complexities and layers involved not just in terms of your feelings, but in terms of the relationship dynamics, your communication style/s, your life situation, and your partner. All of these considerations can take time and effort to sort through, unpack, understand, and clarify.
It sounds like you’re at a point where you feel you are completely burnt out from the relationship and that it’s almost impossible to function day-to-day due to how drained you are; this could be a sign that something significant has to shift for you in the marriage, whether it’s together as a couple, or for you as an individual to regain your sense of self and vitality again away from the relationship. It is extremely challenging and exhausting supporting a loved one long-term who is experiencing mental health issues, and too much to bear on your own. For your marriage to work, your husband will need to seek support professionally outside of your relationship so that you are not carrying that responsibility solely.
It is so important to seek guidance from a therapist or someone you trust to help sort through your thoughts/feelings, and help to anchor you in your decision. We recommend that you seek support for yourself before seeking couples counselling (if you do decide to down the track) so that you can take the time to clarify and address your needs first.
We wish you all the best
~Thania and Christina~