I'm 28 years old and i have suffered from depression and anxiety since i lost my mum to suicide four years ago. I was due to give birth to my now four year old, and only a month before she decided to give up, i felt so alone and scared. I was in a relationship at the time with my daughters dad who is no longer in either of our lives.
I was mentally and physically abused and beaten by him.
I was threatened if I left him he wouldn't just hurt me but he would hurt my family. I felt like i had no one to turn to and i lost the one person who i could of confronted and got help from (my mum).
Four years on, I now have two beautiful children (a girl and a boy), and a partner who tries his best to be supportive but struggles on how to help me because he doesn’t understand why i cant just flick a switch and make myself better.
Some days, I still wake up with a dark cloud in my head stopping me from being happy.
i hate the pain... I hate how i can’t make myself better. I watched my mum abuse medication and become addicted before she passed away, she turned into a zombie, hardly knowing who she was anymore. It scares me because i don’t want to end up like that... but god damn it’s so hard sometimes and i wish there was an easier way of feeling happy and not hurting because of my past anymore.
Love Nicole x